🔗 Share this article

The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She creates video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with someone. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a short video here or there would be fun for her. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their bond?